shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
