My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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