false alarm. still invincible.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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