Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
