I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
