I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
