So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
