the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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