The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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