Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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