we made out on top of his cat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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