I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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