I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
