i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Welp...herpes.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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