Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
