Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
