everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
