i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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