You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
