I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
