Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
