why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
