I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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