My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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