how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
