I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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