nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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