Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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