well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
