my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
