when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
