My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
