I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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