New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
