What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
