weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
