I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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