we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
