i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
