let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
