i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
