You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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