i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
