who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
