I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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