I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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