Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
