I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
