Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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