I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize