What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
