The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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