Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
