morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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