The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
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