He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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