I wish I only lived at night.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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