and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
