Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
