I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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