I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
