Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
