his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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