I love black thongs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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