did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
