How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
