Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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