I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's always time for handjobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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