i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I believe in your delicious
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
