You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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