I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
