If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
