I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
