That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
