I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
