Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize