i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
