I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
