i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
